Weaknesses
Well one of my greatest weaknesses is expressing myself in a different language. English being my third language, I find it difficult to explain and convey my thoughts in the most simple and meaningful way. Speaking English is not my weakness, trying to express my feelings with it is. There is a difference between knowing and understanding a language and speaking it. However, this weakness is more of a motivation and a challenge than a discouragement even though sometimes it feels so. I have come to accept this weakness not as a struggle but as challenge and as one of my greatest achievements thus far.
This is part of what my SMP is about: the ability to be able to adapt to a new culture, and be challenged.
I self-analyze my artworks while creating them as if I had critics right in my head while creating works of art and this has affected my final works tremendously. My artistic process is always planned; I cannot make art everyday or draw everyday, but only when the picture I see wants to be drawn.
Strength
My strengths come from my ability to set goals for myself. Once I set my mind to something, I do it no matter how long it takes. I know sometimes this could be a bad thing but I am more interested in the journey of the race rather than the time it takes me to finish it.
The best race I ever ran is the one I haven’t run yet
Another strength is my willingness to redo and scrap off and start all over again from the same point or the beginning but with a brand new pen. Endless revision takes the worse out of me and brings the joy.
Future
This semester I want to allow myself to turn off my Editing Mind and follow the pen wherever it wants to go. This can be very challenging for me personally, having been raised by parents who believed in emotional and spiritual privacy, in never revealing too much of the self. I still intend to keep this not revealing aspect as my artwork are exposing but not to my viewers. It is almost as if I am walking naked into a room full of people who do not see my nakedness.
I also want to be able to reveal more of me and be fluid with the way I express myself in my artworks. I want to be able to let sequences of my images evoke their own implicit narrative, without following an explicit scenario but starting with it.
If I can get you, the viewer, to experience in your own mind what I have experienced in self, then that to me is a successful work of art
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Wow, Ya Haddy. This was very informative. I feel like I have a much better understanding of your desire for incorporating language and expressing identity through your art. Although you have been saying these things all year, your intentions and your anxiety have finally started becoming clear to me. This three-point assessment was much more detailed and coherent than past discussions.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I also fear making art because of the general assumption that our art reflects who we are. I don't want people to think they "understand" me because they looked at my work. Art definitely has that power. It makes you not want to explore for fear that you will be judged.
I know from my experience with Spanish that when it comes down to knowing the words that will get you by in daily life, language is really not all that difficult. But when you are trying to speak abstractly about your emotions and desires, it feels like you do not have enough words nor the right words. I am glad to finally have a better grasp of what you are dealing with in this process, and why you are making the work you are making.
Ya Haddy-
ReplyDeleteI, like Sarah, feel I have a much better grasp of why you are making art after reading this three point assessment. It is well written, clear, and illuminating.
I feel as though our weaknesses are similar because we are both focused on language. However, we struggle with language in different ways and for different reasons. I think that we should start a dialogue based on this similarity so that we can share tips, strategies, and knowledge that we acquire.
Ya Haddy,
ReplyDeleteI, too, got a lot out of this assessment--I feel like I understand your artmaking much better now. I really connected to how you said you feel like you're always hiding from revealing yourself to the world and having your artwork on the wall strips you down, makes you naked in front of people. I, too, experience this--it's a lot of what I was talking about when I was saying I'm hard on myself--I like to hide myself from people because I don't know if they'll really understand me. It's a trust thing. I do wonder often whether stopping planning and just letting whatever comes out happen (as you said you want to do now)--does that show more of "me" or less? I was wondering what you're own thoughts on that were. Do you think letting go will help you reveal your identity more? And what if planning is part of your identity? And what if you can't go fully towards one or the other, but have to work with and confront both the editing, judging, planning you and also the free-flowing, just running the race for the race you?
Not that I expect you to answer those questions...just something to consider as you try different approaches to your artmaking.
And also, I wanted to ask you about what seems to me your main goal, which I don't know if I'm fully understanding at this point. It's just your last sentence, but it could be taken in a few different ways: Do you want people to experience the same experiences as you have in order to understand about identity or do you want to create an alternative experience for your audience that is similar to what you yourself have experienced--perhaps an experience about disorientation or confusion or being blocked or overwhelmed?
Again, I don't know that I expect an answer--you might need to make some work before you can really figure out which way you want to go.
Ya Haddy,
ReplyDeleteI have a book recommendation for you that you may either love or hate. It is called Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, ... With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory. It is written by the "humorist" Roy Blount Jr., and while I have only just started it I have found it delightful so far. I do think we underestimate the gravity language may force on our identity both individually and socially. I will bring that book by sometime this week.